ये जो नदी है

तुमको देखकर  सोचता हूँ,
हम दोनों कितने अलग हैं ।
बिल्कुल  नदी के दोनों तीरों की तरह,
दो घाट, बिल्कुल आमने - सामने ।

तुम्हारे घाट पर भीड़ आती है,
पूजा - अर्चना के लिए,
मंगल आरती करने के लिए ।
और मैं, श्मशान की तरह -
निर्जन, शांत और नीरस ।

जाने ये कौन सी नदी है बीच में,
जो मुझे तुमसे जोड़ती है ?
बहती है हमारे बीच में -
मंथर, कल - कल, और निर्बाध ।
तुम्हारी पूजा के फूल भी,
मेरी चिता के भस्म भी -
दोनों बह जाते हैं इसमें ।

ना कुछ तेरा, ना कुछ मेरा,
सब कुछ इस नदी का हो जैसे ।
मैं नहीं, तुम भी नहीं -
तो भी यह नदी यूँ ही बहेगी,
किन्हीं और घाटों को छूते हुए ।

दफ़्तर का हाल

आदमी की सर पे सवार  आदमी,
आदमी की सुनता दहाड़ आदमी ।
देखता हूँ रोज ये तमाशा ए रोजगार,
रूह है बिकती यहाँ , खरीददार आदमी ।

मिलते हैं रोज हंसकर ये डरते हुए चेहरे
शाम तक मुरझा जाता है आदमी ।
आता है पशोपेश में, जाता है सिमट कर,
किस जहर का  होता है शिकार आदमी ?

वो कौन सी जात, हुकूमत है जिसकी,
कि करने को है तैयार कारोबार आदमी ?
ये मेरे दफ्तर का अर्ज ए बयां ग़ालिब,
होता है रोज यहाँ शर्मसार आदमी ।

Read this article on Plash - Presenting the summary over here:
http://read.plash.in/2014/09/21/13-reasons-why-you-will-never-be-successful/

13 Reasons Why You Will Never Be Successful:

1. You push off responsibility
  I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul. ~ William Ernest Henley

2. You procrastinate
  Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy. ~ Wayne Gretzky

3. You are a perfectionist
  Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. ~ Napoleon Hill

4. You are afraid of criticism
  To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. ~ Aristotle

5. You are afraid of failure
  It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default. ~ J.K. Rowling

6. You are darn lazy 
Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. ~ J. Paul Getty 

7. You lack originality and creativity
  Trusting your individual uniqueness challenges you to lay yourself open. ~ James Broughton

8. You play it solo
  Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is a progress; working together is a success. ~ Henry Ford

9. You are ungrateful Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation. ~ Brian Tracy

10. You fail to learn from your mistakes
  Learning from your mistakes is an essential skill that enables you to develop the resilience to be a master of change rather than a victim of change. ~ Brian Tracy

11. You don’t believe in yourself
  When your desires are strong enough, you will appear to possess superhuman powers to achieve. ~ Napoleon Hill

12. You lack consistency
  We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. ~ Aristotle

13. You have stopped growing
  Your level of success will seldom exceed your level of personal development. ~ Jim Rohn

Tom Hanks in 'You've got mail'

"Do you ever feel you become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension -- has sprung open. Someone provokes you and instead of smiling & moving on, you zing them? ... When you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows." -- Tom Hanks in 'You've got mail'.

Returning

It's been more than an year that I wrote something on this page. I could not gather my thoughts during last couple of months - just ran for some goals, some objectives which I thought were bigger than any other thing in life. I need a rest, hence I am returning to this blog - to write once again, to be my self once again. Sitting in a corner seat in office, I am able to watch this office and its activities from a third person's view. Some known faces, many unknown faces, some scattered smiles, some bubbling aspirations, some sleeping ambitions -- all of this is here. Its a reflection of what I am. I see myself in all these people and that keeps me together else I would have fallen apart. There is a world outside and there is a world inside - and to the biggest astonishment both are same. Its just that we haven't heard the voice of inner world, we haven't explored it. I believe there is no person in this world who is only noble or only servile in his thoughts and deeds. We are a mix - we are both. This keeps me in hope and I have learnt to forgive myself. That's why I become uncomfortable when people ask me to answer in black and white. I can't deny the possibilities of the other side. To me, everything can happen, everything is possible - there is nothing which doesn't exist for me. If it can exist in thought, it can exist in reality as well. At last, what is a thought? It is just a reflection of reality. Even if somebody says there is no God & he is an atheist, he implies that there is a thought like God and he is not able to personify it because he is not able to realize it. But, realization doesn't stop the possibility of existence. That possibility of existence gives me hope. To me, there is nothing right, nothing wrong; there is nothing pure, nothing impure; nothing moral, nothing amoral - these are just the dimensions which have been developed over the years by trained human minds. Look from a person standing outside of the scene & you will realize that it just action. Action in the purest form is the reward of situation. And when I see this world from this perspective, it all looks a child'd play to me. It lacks the seriousness we are being taught over the years. We are trained to view it as if it is a complex world. That's wrong, it is a simple world with simple rules of play. Let's not lower the charm of being playful in life. I am returning to this blog with this thought. I am hopeful that this world will keep me amazed with the enormous possibilities it holds behind. Its a beautiful thing to watch you from a third person perspective. Let's learn this art.

Awry

Success, Is it ever great?

What is that which defines success? Achieving a goal, a meaningful life, mental satisfaction, beating all the odds, happiness, moksha... or any thing else. We come across many such definitions of success in our lives. Each time life throws us a new challenge and by virtue of living in this constantly ticking world, we some how cross these challenges. If we fair as per our expectations, we call it a personal success. Life is so small. I compared it with earth, its small. I compared it with sky, its even smaller. I compared it with thoughts, it is tiny. Yet, when success arrives, it feels so big. Same is true for failures in lives, isn't?

Call any wise, learned man and ask him to define success. He is give a beautifully ornamented abstract answer which we can appreciate but, never feel. Some say, it is absolute. It is not comparative. By comparing, one only undervalues success. But, if it is true then why do people compare. And if there is no comparison, from where does all this concept of communism, socialism, capitalism arise. If we can feel the success in our lives, why is there so much disparity in our lives. Why is not everybody on same mental level. Why is some body depressed and other more depressed? Buddha says that suffering is common to all and the cause of suffering is ignorance and greed. He further says that to end this suffering there is one way, to cut off on self from ignorance and greed. But, he doesn't say about that thing to which we are ignorant about. He emphasizes on code for moral conduct. But, to me that is a very ideological way of speaking where every thing falls in place and we attain the state of nirvana. I don't know whether it is possible or not to attain the same by his method. He might be right. But, then why is there so much of vices around me. Why did God create something which we should not choose? Just to put us to some kind of test, to judge who fares better among the equals, or to measure the effects of some kind of experiment on us? There are numerous possibilities and there can be numerous explanations. But, no body, neither the Buddha, nor Mahavira, nor Prophet Mohammad, nor Jesus Christ, nor Lord Krishna came back on earth to explain us which way is the best way? People say that all the religions lead to common goal, that is to one God. Or, Forgive me if I sound like a skeptic or an atheist, it may be possible that none of these reach the Supreme. And may be, there is no supreme. There can be any number of possibilities. There is so much confusion in this world.

Where should I go to get answers to such questions. I don't want an abstract answer. I need experience because, what I can't feel is beyond my senses. And, if it is beyond my senses, how will my faith grow stronger in that? Even fear has its own way to touch our senses so that we realize the existence of fear. But, then the other question arises If life is cumulative of our experiences, then where is the conclusion of all this. Is conclusion of life death? If it is, why is death not that much sacred? Why still we believe life is beautiful and glorious.

I don't find answer to these questions. But, I can't stop my self from asking. One more thing, we have put definitions on so many things in our life like objects which we can touch, which we feel and so on. Now, add one more dimension to it -- thoughts. Thinking is the new dimension and thoughts are our arenas. Lets see if we can create an another world in our thoughts or not.

Good night.

ऐ वतन मेरे वतन

This composition by Josh Malihabadi touches the heart. Beautifully written by Josh Malihabadi, the nazm spreads the voice of nationalism which was prevalent in his time. While talking about independence struggle, we give sole to credit to our political leaders and sometimes forget the contribution of poets, authors and other common man of society. But, ironically these are the people who infused the idea of nationalism in common man. Although, Josh migrated to Pakistan in 1958 but that doesn't undervalue his contribution in India's freedom struggle. Josh's reputation was such that he was called Shaair-e-Inquilaab (Poet of the Revolution).

We often think that shayari, poetry is the work of those who are emotional and sometimes weak. But, that is not true. Importance of literature in any nation's awakening is of paramount importance.

Bringing you Josh Malihabadi's composition ऐ वतन मेरे वतन. If it doesn't touches somebody's heart, then probably he has stone in his chest instead of heart.


ऐ वतन मेरे वतन रूह - ए - रवानी - एहरा
ऐ की ज़र्रों में तेरे बू - ए - चमन रंग - ए - बहार |

रेज़ - ए - अल्वास के तेरे खासो - खाशाक में है
हड्डियाँ अपने बुजुर्गों के तेरे खाक में हैं |

तुझसे मुँह मोड़कर मुँह अपना दिखायेंगे कहाँ
घर जो छोड़ेंगे तो फिर छाँव निछायेंगे कहाँ ?

बज़्म - ए - अगियार में आराम ये पायेंगे कहाँ
तुझसे हम रूठ के जायेंगे तो जायेंगे कहाँ ?

reflection

How quickly does the life change! I was just flipping through some pages of my yesteryear,and suddenly realized that its not too long that I left all of it behind. But, yet it feels as if I have walked miles. It feels as if all of that can be cautiously termed as history. Life is so small in size yet, when we are on its journey it feels so long and sometimes tiring. A year back, I was a student, enjoying my last few months at campus. One more step backwards, I was sitting in LCs, sleeping in lectures and finishing assignments. One more step backwards, I was in company eagerly waiting for my GD PIs. I can't stop counting backwards. Yet, when I try to think about all this, I can traverse the whole journey of 15 - 16 years of conscious living in a minute. Its so small, isn't ?

9 months back, I came to Hyderabad to join Accenture. Unlike others, I was worried because I never wanted to go back to work. But, today after 9 months, all the sufferings look too small. It feels life chose its course and I was just following it whether I agreed to it or not.

Time passes by. We grow up. The other day, we may get married, then children, then a different life. Sometimes, I think too mush about all this hoping that I will make my future better. But, the future is too near, isn't ? And, any attempt to make it beautiful is worth less if the present is not beautiful. So many thoughts. so many emotions, so many feelings -- all come and go, yet you can define life in just in a few words or may be by a smile on your face. That's it. Probably Shakespeare was correct when he said "All the world is a stage." Yes, and we are just playing our parts, what ever is assigned to us. The beauty is that no other person except me fits in my role. So there is no right, no wrong, no just or unjust. The play has its own meaning, we realize it later.

Yes, life has changed so much. We have left so much behind. But, there is still much that is awaiting our touch, our presence. Lets participate truthfully in this play of life.

They say that I am a dumb, I talk non sense, I don't see the reality because I do not subscribe to the common idea of Today's world - that career and money is paramount to all other things in life. They feel that this is the way everybody lives in today's world - by living away from their homes and establishing the career. They say that career and prosperity resides in just a few pockets of India and that's where we should strive to go. They say that my education is a total waste if I do not contribute towards enriching this system of development and mass migration. They see their future in Seattle, in NY, in Australia because to them, these places are where work is, career is and wealth is.

I don't know why I feel really distanced from these ideas. I never had a dream of going to US, UK or anywhere because I always felt that my wealth is my family, my people. They are my strength. I never studied with a goal of earning fat salaries and living in a rich life style. I grew up in a lower middle class family and my aspirations were limited. I just wanted to make a living out of my education. Even today, I can't think of buying a SUV or Sedan, not because I am not capable of doing that but, because my upbringing has been done in such manner that these things never found a place in my thinking. I feel that prosperity and happiness lies with seeing your closed ones smiling, laughing... sharing their togetherness. Life has changed vastly in last decade and I feel I am left behind. Somewhere within me there is still an innocent student who 10 years back took his first steps outside his home in the hope that someday he will comeback with lot of smiles, and happiness on his face. Today, he is lost in the glory of this new upcoming world. He still wants to go back but, he doesn't know how to do that. There is so much at stake which he can't over look. He feels alone, deserted but, he doesn't know how to come out of this. There is so much of crowd around him still, there is no body whom he can call his own. Surely life has changed.

Today I am probably going to my home, with no hope, no positive emotions. I know this will come to an end very soon. Again next week, I will be taking the train back to come back to the place where I don't belong. I know that there is no way I can make things happen - I tried almost everything. I don't know why today I feel like crying because so much has accumulated with in me that I can't resist it any more. I am wasting my glorious years of youth in doing something which I don't like, at a place which I don't like, with those whom I don't have any attachments. What have I become!

I feel as if time is passing by my hand. I am just becoming a slave of my fortune, wherever it takes, I have to go. No decisions are made by me, by my choice -- I am just standing outside watching myself crushed minute by minute, second by second. I don't know what mistakes I committed to have deserved this. I ask God to please let me know at least this. Am I even not worthy of that? Please let me know. I thought of you as benevolent, as my master -- and look where have you brought me. I see myself on an end less march, on a pursuit which is resulting to nothing. Don't I have even rights to ask for am I paying for?

Every body says that things are fine, things are good; its just me who has built these notions inside my mind. But tell me, wasn't it you who guided my thinking in this manner? First, you put a seed in mind -- saying this is the virtuous path, this is what I had to aspire for. Then you showed me the way -- I was happier that you were with me, guiding me. But suddenly you left me. You stopped answering me. Are you different from me? Is the one living inside me, is different from you. Then, why this betrayal? I considered all the events as your indications, your languages, your signs towards a goal which I always dreamed for. I still need you the most, probably more than ever.

Why are you not answering....aaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhh? Why so silent? This silence is killing me - from inside. Please answer me.

उड़ान

सांस में कुछ अटका हुआ सा है
न बोला जाता है न ही भूला जाता है |

जैसे परिंदे कैद किये हो किसी ने
और टूट जाते हो उनके नाजुक पंख
पिंजड़े के तारों से लड़ कर |
उड़ने को बेकरार उन पंखो को
भरोसा है तेरे न्याय पर,
पंख दिए हैं तो उड़ान भी देगा, मालिक
और फिर भूल जायेगा वो सारे घाव |

एक नयी दुनिया का ख्वाब
जो हर पंख देखता है, और फिर
जीता है उन्हें इसी पिंजड़े में |
कभी तो सुबह कि नयी आगाज़ होगी,
बादलों से ऊपर
जहाँ सूरज लाल होता है |
बस एक नजर देख ले दाता
आकर मेरे अरमानो को, मेरे घावों को |

The questions I often ask...

There are some questions which I often ask to myself but, don't get any answer. These questions keep haunting in my mind and each time it gets complex rather than being solved. The questions are very simple and everybody has answered me whenever I asked them. But, these answers don't satisfy me. Either they have seen this world differently or I have. But, there comes no compromise.

The first one is what is career? I don't understand it when people say it is your job, promotions, what you pursue in those 8 - 9 daylight hours etc. Job, promotions and many such things have never allured me. I feel career is something which gives you a sense of living. And when I see to those people who answered it job or employment I find they try to run away from their career. Don't believe me, give them a day of paid holiday and see how many come to office? A few answer this question as money (earned by right means). Here also I don't agree. Give them a few extra bucks and ask them to work for 20 hours daily. See how many persist for a month?

Similar question is what is ambition? And many more like it - some are what, some are why questions but, the answer to all of those is hazy.

The ultimate answer is 'balance.' Life demands balance - between past, present and future. Our past is not only deeds we did. It is also all those people who were associated with us. People who knowingly or unknowingly contributed to our present. And our future is all those who will get associated with us in due course of time. We don't seek balance when we answer the above said questions. Giving you an example, I am looking for a suitable employment in my home town (smaller than these crowded metro cities). I discussed this idea with a few people and they all suggested me there is no career there, I won't earn much and blah blah blah. Yes, they are right in saying that but then I would be doing injustice with my past if I stay far away from home earning dollars. I am here not just because of myself but, there are many more persons who contributed me in reaching this position. When they need me by their side, wouldn't it be injustice to stay away from them.

We are busy making our life more complex. The density has increased - volume of our relationships has decreased while complexity has increased. I certainly don't belong to the world in which I am living in. My past was different, the world was different. It has changed tremendously in last ten years. I didn't grew up to live in this world.

I don't know what future holds for me. But, as of now I fear I won't be able to live up to my promises with life which I made in my forming years. I don't know whom to blame for it. I am troubled, puzzled, anxious, fearful because I am not being governed by myself. My ship is governed by something else. I don't know what debt crisis in Europe means but Alas! it governs me from such a long distance. Somebody sneezes in his arm chair, and I lose my job; I lose my means to eat, live and breathe. Utterly nonsensical world in which I am living in.

खुली जो आँख तो देखा कि,
सिरहाने पर वो खड़ा था
गुमसुम सा, ऊँघता हुआ
अपने कांपते हाथों से दामन समेटता
जैसे बाँट चुका था वो
जो सब कुछ लाया था उधार में,

कुछ ख्वाब थे, कुछ कहानियां थी
दिन भर के कुछ शिकस्ता शिकवे थे
कुछ थके हुए कदमों का बाकी जूनून था
और फिज़ा में बौराई हुई मिट्टी कि खुशबू |

रात भर बांटा था उसने अपना वजूद
और सुबह फिर निकल पड़ा
कुछ और उधार कि तलाश में
जैसे उसके शफ़क में वो आग नहीं जो मुझे जलाती है |

- Gyan 06th October 2011

Naqsh faryaadi hai - Copied version

Mirza Ghalib needs no introduction to followers of Urdu poetry. Reproduced below is one of his most difficult to understand (at least I felt so!) poem. The accompanying translation is credited to Dr. Sarfaraz K. Niazi. The beauty of the poem is in its nuances, so if you do read, read it more than once, and I am sure you will discover more than one meaning in this great work...

Enjoy...

The poem-
Naqsh faryaadi hai kiski shaukhi-e tehreer ka
Kagazi hai pairahan har paikar-e tasveer ka

Kaay-kaay-e-sakht-janeeha-e tanhai na poochh
Subha karna shaam ka lana hai juu-e-sheer ka

Jazbah-e-bey-ikhtiyaar-e shouk deykha chahiye
Sinah-e shamseer sey baahar hai dum shamsheer ka

Aagahee daam-e shunidan jis qadar chaahey bichhaaye
Mudad aa anka hai apney aalam-e takreer ka

Baski hoon Ghalib aseeri mein bhi aatish zer-e pa
Muu-e aatish-deedah hai halkah meri zanjeer ka.
and the translation...

Naqsh faryadi hai kis ki shokhi-e tahrir ka
kaghazi hai pairahan her paikar-e tasvir ka

Against whose playful writing are the words complainants?
Made of paper is the attire of the countenance of every image.



[naqsh: mark, word; faryadi: pleader, crier; shokh: playful, mischievous; kaghaz: paper; tahrlr. writing; pairahan: attire, clothes; paikar: face, countenance, figure, mould, model, form, portrait, likeliness, an idol-temple; tasvir: forming, fashioning, painting, limning, picture, image, effigy, likeness, sketch, drawing.]

This opening verse of Ghalib's Urdu ghazal divan is critical of God in a rather unusual manner—with an element of surprise! In it, Ghalib alludes to God's neglect and obliviousness towards us. "Whose mischief was it to create this Universe?" the first line asks in a rather perplexed manner. This would have been a straightforward ode to the Lord if in the first verse the poet had not raised the question, "who has done it?" but instead stated, "He did it." This would have been in line with the tradition of making the first verse an ode to the Lord. This is followed by a description of the sheer helplessness of humankind— all that is visible (or corporeal) in the Universe is clad in "paper dress," as if pleading or bowing before the Lord in awe. This construction of "pleading in paper attire" is drawn from an old Persian tradition in which the men would enter the courts of their kings wearing clothing made of paper in order to display their humility. In this sense, Ghalib implies that we stand before God in a similarly humbled (not humble) way. Another literary support to the construction of paper attire comes from the word "candidate," derived from Latin and means someone who is presenting his or her credentials wearing "white" attire.

In Ghalib's own words, this verse illustrates that the existence of man itself is the reason for his sorrow and despair. In the first line, Ghalib talks about the Universe as if it were a thoughtless creation, a careless stroke of a pen, an undesirable graffiti, wherein each "word" of that "graffiti" ponders the purpose for its creation. If the end were sorrow and grievance, then what was the need to create us? In the second line, Ghalib talks about everything in the Universe being "wrapped in paper". This draws a beautiful correlation between God's writing and God's creation of humanity — the humility of paper dress and the humility of the written word (i.e., our being) on the paper (i.e., this world) are in a sense synonymous. (Note: paper is also impermanent; writing on paper as opposed to carving on stone is displayed here as a source of its impermanence.) In the first line, there is a plea to know the cause for this injustice while the second line expresses the extreme insignificance of human existence. (In the Bible there is a famous quote that reads, "God's ways are not our ways", meaning, we cannot understand the sense of this senselessness, this suffering.) It is clear that this verse is more ironic than claiming man's position in the Universe; even while Ghalib questions, "who has done it," he leaves room for us to ponder that perhaps it was God?

kavkav-e sakht jani hai tanhai, na(h) puchh
subh karna sham ka, lana hai ju-e shir ka

Inquire not of my forebearance to the incessant hammering in the loneliness.
Turning night into day is like unearthing a channel of milk.

[kavkav: continuous beating of hard stone with a sharp object; sakht jani hai: ability to bear extreme agony—expressed as surviving the state of extreme commotion and agitation; ju-e shir: channel of milk. (Referring to the legendary lover farhad's digging the channel of milk out of the mountain for King Khusrao, as a condition of having his wife, Shirin. ]

The deeply inflicted pain of being away from the beloved, spending lonely nights without her, is no less formidable than digging out a channel of milk, as the legendary hero, Farhad did. The poet asserts that in the path of love, one has to be just as dedicated, tough, and forbearing. While Farhad did this only once, the poet suffers daily, belittling the efforts of the legendary lover and magnifying the pain of the nights of separation. Here, Ghalib compares the intensity of his passion and desire with the legendary lover, Farhad. In this way, he implies that the severity of his pain is on par with the intensity of the lover's. While the pain of Farhad's work was physical, the poet's agony is mental or spiritual in nature. In both instances, however, extreme resilience is needed to survive. Note how the poet makes a play on words using continuous tapping as if with a sharp object. It is almost like the mountain digger was digging, hardening the heart like a callous by the tapping.

jazb'a(h)-e be ikhtiar-e shauq dekha chahiye
sin'a(h)-e shamshir se bahar hai dam shamshir ka

Worth seeing is the spirit of my uncontrollable desire,
Causing the edge of the sword to unfurl from its sheath.

[dam: breath; dam-e shamshir: edge of sword.]

My desire to sacrifice myself is so intense that the sword edge has come out of its casing. The sword finds me so ripe for sacrifice that it cannot control itself to grant me my wish. The expulsion of breath further symbolizes an expression of extreme desire to act.










agahi dam-e shanidan jis qadar chdhe bichhae
muddaa unqa hai apne 'alam-e taqrir ka

No matter how awareness spreads its nets of hearing,
The meaning is the nonexistent bird in the style of my expression.

[agahi: awareness; dam: net; shanidan: to hear, listen, or attend to; muddaa: whatever is meant; unqa: legendary bird that does not exist (ala Unicorn). ]

No matter how hard one tries to understand Ghalib's verses, they shall remain unfathomable; trying to understand them is like catching a bird that does not exist. The net of reasoning and intelligence cannot catch my thoughts. Ghalib was oft blamed for adducing complex thoughts. He openly admits that it is difficult, even for a genius, to understand the true meaning of his verses.

baske hun Ghalib asiri men bhi atish zer pa
mue atish dida(h) hai halqa(h) meri zanjir ka

Whereas, even in bondage, there is fire under my feet, Ghalib,
The chains that bind me are merely curls of singed hair.

[baske: whereas; atish zer pa: impatient, cinders (fire) under feet; mue atish: heat-damaged hair (not burned), hair, singed, fragile; halqa(h): ring.]

O' Ghalib, even in bondage I am so impassioned that the links of the chain tying me down are like curls of singed, fragile hair. The complexity of the verse depends on "fire" and "singed hair." Having reached my ultimate desire of surrendering to you, I am impatient for the pain of suffering. The heat of my desire and passion has weakened the rings of the chain, allowing me imminent freedom to begin suffering this pain again. The images of fire beneath the feet (an illustration of impatience and passion) and the curls of damaged hair (not burned) so close to "fire" are remarkable. Impatience, bondage, chain-links, fire, singed hair — all parts of a very complex visualization. The personality of the lover who does not long for bondage, who is a free soul, is eloquently expressed here.

By Mirza Ghalib
Translated by: Dr Sarfaraz K. Niazi

सामर्थ्य

हर सुबह सूरज एक नयी मुस्कान के साथ आता है - एक कुटिल मुस्कान के साथ; ऐसे, जैसे चाँद को लजा रहा हो "देखो, कैसे अपनी लाख कोशिशों के बाद भी तुम रात को दिन ना बना पाए, अँधेरे को उजाला ना बना पाए |" और, चाँद हर रात पुरजोर कोशिश करता है उजाला फ़ैलाने की, स्वयं को जला कर ही सही, फिर डूब जाने को इसी अन्धकार में एक अमावस की रात को |

बूँद बूँद कर रात है झरती,
कतरा कतरा चाँद सुलगता,
दिवस दिवस ज्यों बीतते जाते,
स्वयं ही लज्जित होकर जलता |

सुबह का सूरज बेशर्मी से,
चाँद का सीना छलनी करता,
फेंक के किरने लाली अपनी,
रैन बिचारी को संग ले चलता |

है सामर्थ्य अगर ही सबकुछ,
फिर कैसा यह न्याय, विधाता ?
क्षुधा चाँद की प्यासी रहती,
सूरज भाग्य पर क्यों इठलाता ?

- Gyan Vikas

sitting at airport on 12th june 2011

Sitting at airport, waiting to board flight to Hyderabad, I am thinking about contributing something to my blog which I have kept as a memoir of my life and its happenings. Its been a hectinc month since I left IIT K. But, I am satisfied that I lived every moment of this period. And now here I am, about to join Accenture. I don't know which path has been chosen for me as I am still searching for alternatives. Once I had this thinking in mind that the day I would join Accenture I would leave the hope of finding peace elsewhere and would try to adjust myself in those circumstances. But, look at this moment where I have also applied for PhD and eagerly waiting for things to turn out in otherwise manner.

In the afternoon, I was taking a quick nap in my brother's apartment in Kolkata when I got a dream. I was feeling as if somebody was striking nails in my body and I woke up immediately. Since then, I am thinking whether It is good to join Accenture (for sake any IT company away from your home) or not. Only time has answer to these questions. I could sense the smell of hot coffee and see the glitter of those costly shops when I entered airport. It was the same smell, same fabulous lighting which I left two years back. It reminded of the corridors of my working area at cognizant. How captivating it is? I sense money, power and greed in it. I feel terrified because I know in longer run it will kill me slowly. Look at me, I don't have a permanent home to live in but, I travel by air. How ironical it is, doesn't it?

On TV screen, I see news about Baba Ramdev breaking his Satyagrah because the government didn't agree to his demands. The next moment an advertisement is shown about a music DVD of 2012, which is supposed to save one from the natural calamity. Look at how fearful this world has become because of our own ambitions. Would you like to raise your children in this fearful, terrifying world? I won't. I like it to be free, full of optimism not the way it is being manipulated around us.

Life has come to full circle. 19th June, I resigned from last job - 13th job, I am about to join a new hell. I fear it may not be a correct decisions but, I will wait till the sun shines on the horizon.

Gyan

Dude, it's over. Welcome back!

What a terrible moment it was! She called and said that my joining is getting preponed. Come on! this can't be real, she can't be serious... its a multinational company. How can they demotivate an employee even before he has joined. I was just out of mind and thought of shouting at her. But then, someone inside me whispered in my ears "Dude, It's over. Welcome back!" The honeymoon is over now, be geared up for the heat of life. "How can it be so soon? I have just learnt to fly, I have just seen the bright colours of my feathers and you are saying it's over." I replied.

It is difficult to accept this fact that the day has approached and finally we will back in the arena to fight for our share of life. Slightly emotional, slightly taken off by the friendship, we all are departing. How difficult it is to teach the smartest MBAs that this is just temporary and is a transition not the end? When it comes to 'dil ki baatein', we all are same irrespective of our education and skills, don't we? I am watching people holding their tears. They smile, pat each other's back and try to feel the warmth of those arms which they held during these years. Life comes to a full circle. People are remembering their first day when they arrived here and how they have developed a special friendship with each other. Each one of us is like a wall and stone. As a stone we throw ourselves on others and as a wall we bounce it back bearing all the pain. And this realization happens only when the end comes near. Then only we recognize the importance of these walls in our lives.

So, when I look back what do I see? Definitely, the two best years of my life... when I was young, energetic, brimming with confidence and wild in my attitude. Thanks to all, for holding this sea, making it learn the art of being silent even in the moment of turbulent waves. I have learnt from each one of you and there is a bit of everybody in me. At one moment I am like you, at other moment I am like another friend. You all have shaped me, with your gentle touch of friendship, togetherness and amity. How can I depart from you? I will carry the best colour of yours along with me. I can never be different from you.

Though its over, though its an end - its an another beginning where I will live like you, I will act like you. I may not say it to others, I may not even realize it to myself but, when I will sit back and reflect, you will be remembered, you will be with me.

So, beware the world... I am coming but, not alone with many others.

and he cried

He was tensed, perplexed as if he was standing in the midst of crowd still lost. He knew it was his only chance, time was ticking, passing by his side yet, he couldn't realize it. Since a few days he was once again caught into the same web of 'Irony of being vocal.' He knew he couldn't open his lips otherwise all hells would break lose. But, he could not keep it either to himself. It was a sudden burst of emotions which have brought him to this situation. He came back to his house and lied down on bed. He hadn't felt this tiredness in recent years. He tried to sleep so that he could get rid of it. For a moment he was even fall asleep but, suddenly he jumped of his bed fearing a monster strangulating his throat. He glanced at the streets through the window, no body was there. It was so silent, so peaceful. But inside him there was a storm, waiting to come out.

For a moment he saw the ceiling fan in his room and thought of making the best use of it, to hang himself. Death was less painful to him than saying it. But, the next moment he thought that death would have been peaceful only if it would have happened once. Here he was dying everyday, slowly - slowly. This death would not comfort him. He sat on his bed with folded legs and put his head on it. Something was there inside him and it wanted to come out - with a force. He knew he could not hold it.

He put his hands on his head and cried loudly. It was so loud that people on streets would have heard it. But, to his astonishment he could not hear it. He kept on crying. If he would cried like this, he would have deserted the whole neighborhood. After a while, he was feeling light as if a load has been taken off from his shoulder. Whatever he wanted to say was still unspoken but, now he had spoken it although, in a different language. Others would not have understood it but, he had already told what he wanted to say.

Confessions - 1

Rarely do we become ready to confess our secrets. We all have a life that others have not seen but, we have lived those moments. We are scared that if people will come to know all that how will they react? We are afraid that may be they will get to know the other side of us. Is it important to confess? Probably yes, because then only you can be truthful to your life, your own emotions. So, I have decided to confess the other side of me which probably not many have seen. Leaving IIT, I am already heavy with loads of emotions. Above that, there is an interview of Tata Steel on 7th for which I have to study. But, I know if I get selected and join Tata Steel my other side will get burned here only. Probably I will also forget this side of me and get busy with life's affairs. So, I have decided to record or in other words, confess my activities one by one. I know if somebody will read this page he will surely get surprised to know so many abnormal things about me. But, please put your hand on your heart and ask whether you are different from me. I am sure you will forgive me. So here does the list goes on -

- I smoke occasionally. Sometimes 2 - 3 cigarrates in a day when I am really tensed.
- I like beer. I like drinking with friends but, I have never been over drunk as of yet.
- I never had bad feelings for any body for too long. I can't carry it for several days.
- I like to listen to gazals and when I am listening to it I can't do anything else.
- I know some people perceive me as arrogant which I have never tried to portray. Forgive me, if I have hurt of emotions. I never intended to do so.
- I am a bad listener and never understand anything that is taught in classroom.
- I like to run but, more than that I like to 'run-away.' I have never run to achieve something, I have always ran to escape from something.
- I fear darkness.
- I proposed a girl a few months back, She refused the offer. It was difficult for me to take this step but, I am glad that She understood the difficulty and gently refused.
- I always had a crush at each phase of my life. But, I have rarely expressed it fearing She may deny it because I am not smart enough. The same is true for IIT life and this one is different from the one mentioned above ;)
- I hate following religious rituals. But, I want to understand religion. I also want to teach others about whatever I know about religion.
- I appreciate inter caste marriages. Although, I can't do it because of hurting the feelings of my parents.
- I rarely get sound sleeps at nights. Mostly, I am awake and like to sleep in the morning.
- Sometimes, I want others to be like me.
- I disagree with my parents on various point of views but, I just accept them out of respect.
- I am bad in pushing arguments. But, I am good at putting my thoughts.
- I have cried several times watching serious bollywood movies. I hate horror movies and never watch them.
- I have always felt that my house is not big enough so, I rarely invite people at my home. I want to get a big house when I will earn enough.
- I value education more than anything else. This is the best investment in my opinion.
- I cried when India won world cup in 2011.

Some more will follow in next post.

Mirza Ghalib - revisited: Na tha kuch to khuda tha…Na hota kuch to khuda hota

न था कुछ तो ख़ुदा था, कुछ न होता तो ख़ुदा होता,
डुबोया मुझको होने ने न मैं होता तो क्या होता !

Mirza has written these lines pretty much carefully summarizing almost all the teachings of his life in these two lines. What a beautiful line to begin with! - When there was nothing there was God. We start our lives in this fashion only, empty handed. But, God is present even at that moment and so does my faith in him. And even though there would have been nothing, my faith in you would not have shaken. Your ominous presence would have always been with me. But, oh God! my aspirations, my ambitions, my wishes were the reasons why I distanced from you. "Duboya mujh ko hone ne" - In pursuit of my ambition of becoming something, I forgot you and became ally to so much worldly sins. I regret for being unfaithful to you. But then, I wonder that if I wouldn't have tried what would I have been? Does it hardly matter whether I achieve my goals or not till the time I had your companionship, my faith in you? My existence was because of you and these silly goals don't mean anything in front of your belongingness. This is classic dilemma faced by all of us in this world. We try to find the balance between white and dark, virtues and vices and then at one point of time we try to introspect what have we gained out of this pursuit.


हुआ जब गम से यूँ बेहिश तो गम क्या सर के कटने का,
ना होता गर जुदा तन से तो जहानु पर धरा होता!

This second sher sounds slightly offtrack with earlier one but, thinking deeply one can understand that it is in continuation with the same pain that we observed in earlier sher. Now that I have become so friendly with pain and misery, why should I worry about sacrificing myself in your service. In any case, even though I won't be beheaded now, my life is already in your service since eternity. So, how does it matter now whether death comes to me nor not. Doesn't it complete a full circle of life? Probably Mirza Saheb wants to say that I have lived enough and known that there is no good in life. So, even though I die now, it won't be painful now because I am just returning what was already yours. Beautiful, isn't?

हुई मुद्दत कि 'ग़ालिब' मर गया पर याद आता है,
वो हर इक बात पर कहना कि यूँ होता तो क्या होता !

And finally the gazal concludes with the another pearls of wisdom. Take a leap ahead in time and think that I have died long ago and people yet talk about me. And what do they talk? Simple - what they observed - My constant pursuit for my goals, my ambitions. Like we usually do in our lives - if things would have happened in this way, that manner we would have been better. We are rarely satisfied with the way things go in life and constantly keep saying "yun hota to kya hota".

Amazing shayari by Mirza Ghalib.