D-Lit

Lot has been said, written and withdrawn from this blog without giving any chance to this cyber space to record them. Not that I didn't want to record it, but, simply that somehow I don't believe this world of bits and bytes. Things get hacked very soon, and it is quite detrimental when the target is your emotions, feelings. Who cares about the security of these things now a days... We are living in a world of globalization. Do everything belongs to community, then? Nothing is personal? What about my identity? What about my self? Does it also belongs to community or public?

Buzzzz... Why am I asking these questions? I am drifting from the topic, is it? ----
lets get back to where I began.

So, definitely a lot has happened in last few days. Some have found pages in my personal diary... some are living in the poems which I composed... some, who were more precious, could not find expressions.



I asked this question to me "If given a chance would you like to delete this part from your life." I kept searching for the answer. It leads to no where. I was thinking about this question when the cellphone rang.

"Hello, how are you?" She asked.
"Hi, I was just... u know...hmmm... thinking about what if I delete you from my life. I mean... I was just wondering if...", I never wanted to speak these words but, as I said earlier words betray you when you need them most.

"What? Are you drunk or something? what are you talking about... and by the way, I haven't called you to listen to your crappy philosophical thoughts..." She retaliated.

This was enough to wake me up from my deep, dizzy mood which automatically becomes my face when I think about her. I knew I had made a terrible mistake. Already we had not have anything except long silences and pauses since last few conversations. And this time I screwed up whatever little lively relationship we had between us.

I tried to fix it up, "Listen, I didn't mean it... I was just...hmmm... reading a newspaper, it was written there..." It becomes bitter when you wrap pepper into a Neem leaf.

"So, You are now trying to fool me? I got your intentions" and she disconnected.

I sat on my study chair and thought whether my question made her angry or my lie? I thought about sending her an apology through sms (in any case, I did not want to talk to her again). I lit a cigarette, smoked a few puffs but, could not gather courage to send her an apology.

I once again started thinking about the question when alarm buzzer rings - Good Morning. It shows 5:40 in the morning and there is still some graying darkness outside the window. With heavy eyes and damp heart, I wake up.

But, the question still rings in my head "Should I delete...?"

कुछ मोड़ जो आपकी सर्द यादों में गुमशुदा हो चले,
कुछ राहें जो लम्बी हो गयी खामोश निगाहों में,
है सवाल इतना बस कि हाल - ए - जिगर क्या होगा,
लहू के कतरे जब आँखों से अश्कों के संग बह चले |

May be I won't be able to it.