Awry

Success, Is it ever great?

What is that which defines success? Achieving a goal, a meaningful life, mental satisfaction, beating all the odds, happiness, moksha... or any thing else. We come across many such definitions of success in our lives. Each time life throws us a new challenge and by virtue of living in this constantly ticking world, we some how cross these challenges. If we fair as per our expectations, we call it a personal success. Life is so small. I compared it with earth, its small. I compared it with sky, its even smaller. I compared it with thoughts, it is tiny. Yet, when success arrives, it feels so big. Same is true for failures in lives, isn't?

Call any wise, learned man and ask him to define success. He is give a beautifully ornamented abstract answer which we can appreciate but, never feel. Some say, it is absolute. It is not comparative. By comparing, one only undervalues success. But, if it is true then why do people compare. And if there is no comparison, from where does all this concept of communism, socialism, capitalism arise. If we can feel the success in our lives, why is there so much disparity in our lives. Why is not everybody on same mental level. Why is some body depressed and other more depressed? Buddha says that suffering is common to all and the cause of suffering is ignorance and greed. He further says that to end this suffering there is one way, to cut off on self from ignorance and greed. But, he doesn't say about that thing to which we are ignorant about. He emphasizes on code for moral conduct. But, to me that is a very ideological way of speaking where every thing falls in place and we attain the state of nirvana. I don't know whether it is possible or not to attain the same by his method. He might be right. But, then why is there so much of vices around me. Why did God create something which we should not choose? Just to put us to some kind of test, to judge who fares better among the equals, or to measure the effects of some kind of experiment on us? There are numerous possibilities and there can be numerous explanations. But, no body, neither the Buddha, nor Mahavira, nor Prophet Mohammad, nor Jesus Christ, nor Lord Krishna came back on earth to explain us which way is the best way? People say that all the religions lead to common goal, that is to one God. Or, Forgive me if I sound like a skeptic or an atheist, it may be possible that none of these reach the Supreme. And may be, there is no supreme. There can be any number of possibilities. There is so much confusion in this world.

Where should I go to get answers to such questions. I don't want an abstract answer. I need experience because, what I can't feel is beyond my senses. And, if it is beyond my senses, how will my faith grow stronger in that? Even fear has its own way to touch our senses so that we realize the existence of fear. But, then the other question arises If life is cumulative of our experiences, then where is the conclusion of all this. Is conclusion of life death? If it is, why is death not that much sacred? Why still we believe life is beautiful and glorious.

I don't find answer to these questions. But, I can't stop my self from asking. One more thing, we have put definitions on so many things in our life like objects which we can touch, which we feel and so on. Now, add one more dimension to it -- thoughts. Thinking is the new dimension and thoughts are our arenas. Lets see if we can create an another world in our thoughts or not.

Good night.

ऐ वतन मेरे वतन

This composition by Josh Malihabadi touches the heart. Beautifully written by Josh Malihabadi, the nazm spreads the voice of nationalism which was prevalent in his time. While talking about independence struggle, we give sole to credit to our political leaders and sometimes forget the contribution of poets, authors and other common man of society. But, ironically these are the people who infused the idea of nationalism in common man. Although, Josh migrated to Pakistan in 1958 but that doesn't undervalue his contribution in India's freedom struggle. Josh's reputation was such that he was called Shaair-e-Inquilaab (Poet of the Revolution).

We often think that shayari, poetry is the work of those who are emotional and sometimes weak. But, that is not true. Importance of literature in any nation's awakening is of paramount importance.

Bringing you Josh Malihabadi's composition ऐ वतन मेरे वतन. If it doesn't touches somebody's heart, then probably he has stone in his chest instead of heart.


ऐ वतन मेरे वतन रूह - ए - रवानी - एहरा
ऐ की ज़र्रों में तेरे बू - ए - चमन रंग - ए - बहार |

रेज़ - ए - अल्वास के तेरे खासो - खाशाक में है
हड्डियाँ अपने बुजुर्गों के तेरे खाक में हैं |

तुझसे मुँह मोड़कर मुँह अपना दिखायेंगे कहाँ
घर जो छोड़ेंगे तो फिर छाँव निछायेंगे कहाँ ?

बज़्म - ए - अगियार में आराम ये पायेंगे कहाँ
तुझसे हम रूठ के जायेंगे तो जायेंगे कहाँ ?

reflection

How quickly does the life change! I was just flipping through some pages of my yesteryear,and suddenly realized that its not too long that I left all of it behind. But, yet it feels as if I have walked miles. It feels as if all of that can be cautiously termed as history. Life is so small in size yet, when we are on its journey it feels so long and sometimes tiring. A year back, I was a student, enjoying my last few months at campus. One more step backwards, I was sitting in LCs, sleeping in lectures and finishing assignments. One more step backwards, I was in company eagerly waiting for my GD PIs. I can't stop counting backwards. Yet, when I try to think about all this, I can traverse the whole journey of 15 - 16 years of conscious living in a minute. Its so small, isn't ?

9 months back, I came to Hyderabad to join Accenture. Unlike others, I was worried because I never wanted to go back to work. But, today after 9 months, all the sufferings look too small. It feels life chose its course and I was just following it whether I agreed to it or not.

Time passes by. We grow up. The other day, we may get married, then children, then a different life. Sometimes, I think too mush about all this hoping that I will make my future better. But, the future is too near, isn't ? And, any attempt to make it beautiful is worth less if the present is not beautiful. So many thoughts. so many emotions, so many feelings -- all come and go, yet you can define life in just in a few words or may be by a smile on your face. That's it. Probably Shakespeare was correct when he said "All the world is a stage." Yes, and we are just playing our parts, what ever is assigned to us. The beauty is that no other person except me fits in my role. So there is no right, no wrong, no just or unjust. The play has its own meaning, we realize it later.

Yes, life has changed so much. We have left so much behind. But, there is still much that is awaiting our touch, our presence. Lets participate truthfully in this play of life.

They say that I am a dumb, I talk non sense, I don't see the reality because I do not subscribe to the common idea of Today's world - that career and money is paramount to all other things in life. They feel that this is the way everybody lives in today's world - by living away from their homes and establishing the career. They say that career and prosperity resides in just a few pockets of India and that's where we should strive to go. They say that my education is a total waste if I do not contribute towards enriching this system of development and mass migration. They see their future in Seattle, in NY, in Australia because to them, these places are where work is, career is and wealth is.

I don't know why I feel really distanced from these ideas. I never had a dream of going to US, UK or anywhere because I always felt that my wealth is my family, my people. They are my strength. I never studied with a goal of earning fat salaries and living in a rich life style. I grew up in a lower middle class family and my aspirations were limited. I just wanted to make a living out of my education. Even today, I can't think of buying a SUV or Sedan, not because I am not capable of doing that but, because my upbringing has been done in such manner that these things never found a place in my thinking. I feel that prosperity and happiness lies with seeing your closed ones smiling, laughing... sharing their togetherness. Life has changed vastly in last decade and I feel I am left behind. Somewhere within me there is still an innocent student who 10 years back took his first steps outside his home in the hope that someday he will comeback with lot of smiles, and happiness on his face. Today, he is lost in the glory of this new upcoming world. He still wants to go back but, he doesn't know how to do that. There is so much at stake which he can't over look. He feels alone, deserted but, he doesn't know how to come out of this. There is so much of crowd around him still, there is no body whom he can call his own. Surely life has changed.

Today I am probably going to my home, with no hope, no positive emotions. I know this will come to an end very soon. Again next week, I will be taking the train back to come back to the place where I don't belong. I know that there is no way I can make things happen - I tried almost everything. I don't know why today I feel like crying because so much has accumulated with in me that I can't resist it any more. I am wasting my glorious years of youth in doing something which I don't like, at a place which I don't like, with those whom I don't have any attachments. What have I become!