Struggling with myself.

This is a big problem with me. At times, I find myself struggling with my inner self, a self that says me what is correct what is not. I question myself too frequently, and immediately try to avoid finding answer of it. Don't know whether the answer is too horrendous to listen to or, the question itself is too vague to be asked. At distance things look beautiful but, as they come closer, their closeness brings a sense of fear and neglect with me. Is it because, that song was bad or, I did not like the loudness of it. May be I would have appreciated the fainting sound of that song. But, why don't all things look beautiful from distance. Why is it that I like the fainting sound of that song and not its loudness. Looks like, it is human nature. But, still not sure, whether it is human nature or it is the nature of all beings.

I constantly run away from my thoughts. Don't know why, but, are my thoughts too dangerous that even I can't give it an ear. Thoughts are like rain drops, one after another and suddenly they disappear as they meet the soil. Is it the soil's thirst that gulps the rain water, or is it the rain drop's desperation that it can't satisfy the happiness of its meeting with soil. Is it that the thought is not worthy enough to be asked or is it we don't have answer to all the questions.

It is a written code that our species is superior to all other living beings because we have mind. Can't it be other way round that we are still the lowest in this race of intelligence. We still need a mind to think about but, may be other animals don't need a separate organ to think about such trivial issues.

Can't say, but it looks like there is something complex with our race. Someday, we will find the answer whether we are progressing or regressing.

Is it correct to publish my thoughts? I don't know but, I just felt like pressing the keys of my keyboard and write some nonsense. Is nonsense always insane, I don't think so... Lets celebrate this world of insanity... I am not the only one... this whole world is full of such insane and mad living creatures... I am just one of them... or, trying to one of them. I don't know and better, why should I ask this question. Not all the questions have answers but, that itself negates the theory of questioning. A question without answer is not not a question. It is something else... what is it... thought, nah! some thing else...

Lets find out. Concentrate... concentrate!!! fuck off... what is there in concentrating? I am trying to find out something that does not exist. Or, is it that we still don't know what to call a question that does not have answer.

Lets shut it up. There is no point of writing like this. In any case, I am not a structured thinker... then what I am? An unstructured thinker... that in itself is a big complement.

Please... end this story. This is definitely the worst piece of writing that I have done. But, the worst comes out only when you are not at ease. I am perfectly at my ease... had a fantastic dinner, and laying comfortably on my bed. Then how could it be worse?

Oh! this is enough.

Ok, Ok... Lets lock it. I am ending this post without any need of ending it. But, I don't like to talk with you, to listen to you. If you don't want to listen to me turn your head.

Whom am I talking with? You... not with 'I'. Forgive me if I have pained 'I' but, I like it. I like my other self talking with myself. That is the way I am.