उड़ान

सांस में कुछ अटका हुआ सा है
न बोला जाता है न ही भूला जाता है |

जैसे परिंदे कैद किये हो किसी ने
और टूट जाते हो उनके नाजुक पंख
पिंजड़े के तारों से लड़ कर |
उड़ने को बेकरार उन पंखो को
भरोसा है तेरे न्याय पर,
पंख दिए हैं तो उड़ान भी देगा, मालिक
और फिर भूल जायेगा वो सारे घाव |

एक नयी दुनिया का ख्वाब
जो हर पंख देखता है, और फिर
जीता है उन्हें इसी पिंजड़े में |
कभी तो सुबह कि नयी आगाज़ होगी,
बादलों से ऊपर
जहाँ सूरज लाल होता है |
बस एक नजर देख ले दाता
आकर मेरे अरमानो को, मेरे घावों को |

The questions I often ask...

There are some questions which I often ask to myself but, don't get any answer. These questions keep haunting in my mind and each time it gets complex rather than being solved. The questions are very simple and everybody has answered me whenever I asked them. But, these answers don't satisfy me. Either they have seen this world differently or I have. But, there comes no compromise.

The first one is what is career? I don't understand it when people say it is your job, promotions, what you pursue in those 8 - 9 daylight hours etc. Job, promotions and many such things have never allured me. I feel career is something which gives you a sense of living. And when I see to those people who answered it job or employment I find they try to run away from their career. Don't believe me, give them a day of paid holiday and see how many come to office? A few answer this question as money (earned by right means). Here also I don't agree. Give them a few extra bucks and ask them to work for 20 hours daily. See how many persist for a month?

Similar question is what is ambition? And many more like it - some are what, some are why questions but, the answer to all of those is hazy.

The ultimate answer is 'balance.' Life demands balance - between past, present and future. Our past is not only deeds we did. It is also all those people who were associated with us. People who knowingly or unknowingly contributed to our present. And our future is all those who will get associated with us in due course of time. We don't seek balance when we answer the above said questions. Giving you an example, I am looking for a suitable employment in my home town (smaller than these crowded metro cities). I discussed this idea with a few people and they all suggested me there is no career there, I won't earn much and blah blah blah. Yes, they are right in saying that but then I would be doing injustice with my past if I stay far away from home earning dollars. I am here not just because of myself but, there are many more persons who contributed me in reaching this position. When they need me by their side, wouldn't it be injustice to stay away from them.

We are busy making our life more complex. The density has increased - volume of our relationships has decreased while complexity has increased. I certainly don't belong to the world in which I am living in. My past was different, the world was different. It has changed tremendously in last ten years. I didn't grew up to live in this world.

I don't know what future holds for me. But, as of now I fear I won't be able to live up to my promises with life which I made in my forming years. I don't know whom to blame for it. I am troubled, puzzled, anxious, fearful because I am not being governed by myself. My ship is governed by something else. I don't know what debt crisis in Europe means but Alas! it governs me from such a long distance. Somebody sneezes in his arm chair, and I lose my job; I lose my means to eat, live and breathe. Utterly nonsensical world in which I am living in.