Rarely do we become ready to confess our secrets. We all have a life that others have not seen but, we have lived those moments. We are scared that if people will come to know all that how will they react? We are afraid that may be they will get to know the other side of us. Is it important to confess? Probably yes, because then only you can be truthful to your life, your own emotions. So, I have decided to confess the other side of me which probably not many have seen. Leaving IIT, I am already heavy with loads of emotions. Above that, there is an interview of Tata Steel on 7th for which I have to study. But, I know if I get selected and join Tata Steel my other side will get burned here only. Probably I will also forget this side of me and get busy with life's affairs. So, I have decided to record or in other words, confess my activities one by one. I know if somebody will read this page he will surely get surprised to know so many abnormal things about me. But, please put your hand on your heart and ask whether you are different from me. I am sure you will forgive me. So here does the list goes on -
- I smoke occasionally. Sometimes 2 - 3 cigarrates in a day when I am really tensed.
- I like beer. I like drinking with friends but, I have never been over drunk as of yet.
- I never had bad feelings for any body for too long. I can't carry it for several days.
- I like to listen to gazals and when I am listening to it I can't do anything else.
- I know some people perceive me as arrogant which I have never tried to portray. Forgive me, if I have hurt of emotions. I never intended to do so.
- I am a bad listener and never understand anything that is taught in classroom.
- I like to run but, more than that I like to 'run-away.' I have never run to achieve something, I have always ran to escape from something.
- I fear darkness.
- I proposed a girl a few months back, She refused the offer. It was difficult for me to take this step but, I am glad that She understood the difficulty and gently refused.
- I always had a crush at each phase of my life. But, I have rarely expressed it fearing She may deny it because I am not smart enough. The same is true for IIT life and this one is different from the one mentioned above ;)
- I hate following religious rituals. But, I want to understand religion. I also want to teach others about whatever I know about religion.
- I appreciate inter caste marriages. Although, I can't do it because of hurting the feelings of my parents.
- I rarely get sound sleeps at nights. Mostly, I am awake and like to sleep in the morning.
- Sometimes, I want others to be like me.
- I disagree with my parents on various point of views but, I just accept them out of respect.
- I am bad in pushing arguments. But, I am good at putting my thoughts.
- I have cried several times watching serious bollywood movies. I hate horror movies and never watch them.
- I have always felt that my house is not big enough so, I rarely invite people at my home. I want to get a big house when I will earn enough.
- I value education more than anything else. This is the best investment in my opinion.
- I cried when India won world cup in 2011.
Some more will follow in next post.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Mirza Ghalib - revisited: Na tha kuch to khuda tha…Na hota kuch to khuda hota
न था कुछ तो ख़ुदा था, कुछ न होता तो ख़ुदा होता,
डुबोया मुझको होने ने न मैं होता तो क्या होता !
Mirza has written these lines pretty much carefully summarizing almost all the teachings of his life in these two lines. What a beautiful line to begin with! - When there was nothing there was God. We start our lives in this fashion only, empty handed. But, God is present even at that moment and so does my faith in him. And even though there would have been nothing, my faith in you would not have shaken. Your ominous presence would have always been with me. But, oh God! my aspirations, my ambitions, my wishes were the reasons why I distanced from you. "Duboya mujh ko hone ne" - In pursuit of my ambition of becoming something, I forgot you and became ally to so much worldly sins. I regret for being unfaithful to you. But then, I wonder that if I wouldn't have tried what would I have been? Does it hardly matter whether I achieve my goals or not till the time I had your companionship, my faith in you? My existence was because of you and these silly goals don't mean anything in front of your belongingness. This is classic dilemma faced by all of us in this world. We try to find the balance between white and dark, virtues and vices and then at one point of time we try to introspect what have we gained out of this pursuit.
हुआ जब गम से यूँ बेहिश तो गम क्या सर के कटने का,
ना होता गर जुदा तन से तो जहानु पर धरा होता!
This second sher sounds slightly offtrack with earlier one but, thinking deeply one can understand that it is in continuation with the same pain that we observed in earlier sher. Now that I have become so friendly with pain and misery, why should I worry about sacrificing myself in your service. In any case, even though I won't be beheaded now, my life is already in your service since eternity. So, how does it matter now whether death comes to me nor not. Doesn't it complete a full circle of life? Probably Mirza Saheb wants to say that I have lived enough and known that there is no good in life. So, even though I die now, it won't be painful now because I am just returning what was already yours. Beautiful, isn't?
हुई मुद्दत कि 'ग़ालिब' मर गया पर याद आता है,
वो हर इक बात पर कहना कि यूँ होता तो क्या होता !
And finally the gazal concludes with the another pearls of wisdom. Take a leap ahead in time and think that I have died long ago and people yet talk about me. And what do they talk? Simple - what they observed - My constant pursuit for my goals, my ambitions. Like we usually do in our lives - if things would have happened in this way, that manner we would have been better. We are rarely satisfied with the way things go in life and constantly keep saying "yun hota to kya hota".
Amazing shayari by Mirza Ghalib.
डुबोया मुझको होने ने न मैं होता तो क्या होता !
Mirza has written these lines pretty much carefully summarizing almost all the teachings of his life in these two lines. What a beautiful line to begin with! - When there was nothing there was God. We start our lives in this fashion only, empty handed. But, God is present even at that moment and so does my faith in him. And even though there would have been nothing, my faith in you would not have shaken. Your ominous presence would have always been with me. But, oh God! my aspirations, my ambitions, my wishes were the reasons why I distanced from you. "Duboya mujh ko hone ne" - In pursuit of my ambition of becoming something, I forgot you and became ally to so much worldly sins. I regret for being unfaithful to you. But then, I wonder that if I wouldn't have tried what would I have been? Does it hardly matter whether I achieve my goals or not till the time I had your companionship, my faith in you? My existence was because of you and these silly goals don't mean anything in front of your belongingness. This is classic dilemma faced by all of us in this world. We try to find the balance between white and dark, virtues and vices and then at one point of time we try to introspect what have we gained out of this pursuit.
हुआ जब गम से यूँ बेहिश तो गम क्या सर के कटने का,
ना होता गर जुदा तन से तो जहानु पर धरा होता!
This second sher sounds slightly offtrack with earlier one but, thinking deeply one can understand that it is in continuation with the same pain that we observed in earlier sher. Now that I have become so friendly with pain and misery, why should I worry about sacrificing myself in your service. In any case, even though I won't be beheaded now, my life is already in your service since eternity. So, how does it matter now whether death comes to me nor not. Doesn't it complete a full circle of life? Probably Mirza Saheb wants to say that I have lived enough and known that there is no good in life. So, even though I die now, it won't be painful now because I am just returning what was already yours. Beautiful, isn't?
हुई मुद्दत कि 'ग़ालिब' मर गया पर याद आता है,
वो हर इक बात पर कहना कि यूँ होता तो क्या होता !
And finally the gazal concludes with the another pearls of wisdom. Take a leap ahead in time and think that I have died long ago and people yet talk about me. And what do they talk? Simple - what they observed - My constant pursuit for my goals, my ambitions. Like we usually do in our lives - if things would have happened in this way, that manner we would have been better. We are rarely satisfied with the way things go in life and constantly keep saying "yun hota to kya hota".
Amazing shayari by Mirza Ghalib.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Gulon mein rang bhare - borrowed version
Faiz - Gulon mein rang bhare
Continuing with Faiz... another 'sweet' ghazal, often sung. The radif 'Chale' can, depending on construction, be used in the Indicative mood (as a declaratory statement), as well as in the subjunctive (expressing a wish) mood, leading to a delicious ambiguity in some of the shers.
gulo.n mei.n rang bhare, baad-e-naubahaar chale
chale bhii aao ki gulshan kaa karobaar chale
गुलों मे रंग भरे, बाद-ए-नौबहार चले
चले भी आओ कि गुलशन का कारोबार चले
"let the blooms fill with colour, let the first zephyr of spring flow
do come over, so the garden can get on with its daily business"
A plea directed at the Beloved, obviously.
A straightforward sher, the beauty of it lies in the way the first line, atfirst, sounds like the expression of a simple wish - may colour fill the flowers, etc. - the 'normal' sort of wish you would expect a poet to make. It is only when the second line hits you (and in the typical oral tradition of urdu poetry, this would happen after numerous repetitions of the first line, while the suspense builds up) that you realise that what the first line seemed to be wishing for is, in fact, nothing more than the 'day-to-day business' (कारोबार) of a garden, and what the poet actually desires is for is for the Beloved to come overto the garden, so that its 'normal activities' can 'proceed normally'!
It is only then that the actual compliment implied - that in the absence of the Beloved, things are 'held in abeyance' in the garden - becomes clear!
SO much more romantic than simply telling the Beloved that she brings colour and freshness into his life, isn't it?
qafas udaas hai yaaro.n sabaa se kuchh to kaho
kahii.n to bahr-e-khudaa aaj zikr-e-yaar chale
कफ़स उदास है यारों सबा से कुछ तो कहो
कहीं तो बह्र-ए-खुदा आज ज़िक्र-ए-यार चले
"Gloom reigns in the cage, my friends; do say something to the breeze
somewhere, for God's sake, (there must be) discussion about the Beloved today!"
We return to the familiar 'kafas-gulshan' stylisation of a bird caged away from its garden (by implication, the lover separated from his Beloved).
"The cage is sad", he says, implying that the inhabitant of the cage (the poet himself) is dejected... and as a 'remedy' to his sorrow, he urges his friends to make a request the breeze - that it should seek out a location where the Beloved is being discussed. The implication being that his imprisonment would become bearable, if he could even enjoy a breeze that comes from such a place, and hence has picked up strains of this conversation along the way. Definitely hyperbole, but nice!
'bahr' is a Persian preposition, conveying a sense of 'on account of', or 'for the sake of'. Bahr-e-Khudaa would translate almost literally as the exclamatory 'for God's sake!'
kabhii to subh tere kunj-e-lab se ho aaghaaz
kabhii to shab sar-e-kaakul se mushqbaar chale
कभी तो सुब्ह तेरे कुन्ज-ए-लब से हो आगाज़
कभी तो शब् सर-ए-काकुल से मुश्कबार चले
"(at least once) let the dawn commence from the corner of your mouth
(at least once) let the night be rendered fragrant by your curled tresses"
'i wish there was at least some occasion when the morning was "set into motion" or "inaugurated" by the corner of your mouth' is how the first line literally reads.
To be woken up by a morning kiss from the Beloved seems almost too much to ask for, in the general scheme of things in the Ghazal universe! If wishes were horses...!
baDaa hai dard kaa rishtaa, ye dil gariib sahii
tumhaare naam pe aayenge ghamgusaar chale
बड़ा है दर्द का रिश्ता, ये दिल गरीब सही
तुम्हारे नाम पे आएंगे गमगुसार चले
"the ties of pain run deep; poor as this heart is
comfort-givers will come along, thanks to your name"
What a beautiful sher! I've read some truly ridiculous interpretations of this one on the internet, though!
In effect, the sher wears a sadly sarcastic note - the poet informing the Beloved about the deep fraternity that exists among those who have suffered the pain of her unfaithfulness... hence, even though his impecunious heart has little to offer to anyone, the mere spreading of the word that his pain is caused by the Beloved will cause (similarly suffering souls) to rush to his comfort!
There is a slight poetic rearranging of words in the second line which makes this (otherwise simple) meaning a little difficult to catch - the 'aayenge' is actually to be read after the final 'chale' as 'chale aayenge' (or 'will come over').
जो हम पे गुजरी सो गुजरी मगर शब्-ए-हिजरां
हमारे अश्क तेरी आकबत संवार चले
"i may have endured whatever i endured, but (on the) night of separation!
my tears left your future course adorned"
The implication (probably) being that (publicity about) the poet's copious tears during the night of separation would tend to further enhance the fame of the Beloved.
In an alternative reading, the sher is addressed to the 'shab-e-hijraan'itself - and the poet says that his tears would adorn the future of the (henceforth famous) 'night of separation'!
In either interpretation, it is sweet.
हुज़ूर-ए-यार हुई दफ्तर-ए-जूनून की तलब
गिरह मे लेके गरेबां के तार-तार चले
"The Court of the Beloved (conveyed) the desire for (seeing) the 'documentation of infatuation'
(Tied) in a knot (I carried) the tatters of (my) collar"
Lovely!
There is such delicious abjectness here... The Beloved's Courtcommands that the 'case file' proving the (poet's) infatuation be produced before it; the poet carries a small pouch containingthe knotted remains of his collar, which he has (in the time-honoured 'chak-e-garebaan' stylisation of Urdu poetry) torn to bits in amorous frenzy.
'Daftar' is now used colloquially to mean 'office', but originally stood for a 'file' or 'folder' containing official papers, such as a legal brief. In Indian Government offices, there are still some persons nominally employed as 'daftaris' who are supposed to file papers and diarise their movement (although they usually just hang about eating peanuts and chewing paan!). The French word 'bureau' (now meaning office) has a similar etymology, i believe. So does the word 'budget' which originally stood for a bag containing official papers.
maqaam koi Faiz raah mei.n jachaa hi nahii.n
jo kuu-e-yaar se nikle to suu-e-daar chale
मकाम कोई फैज़ राह मे जचा ही नही
जो कू-ए-यार से निकले तो सू-ए-दार चले
"no location/station en route caught the fancy, Faiz
after quitting the Beloved's lane, (I) walked on (directly) towards the gallows"
Another beautiful Maqta by Faiz...
Apart from the Beloved's lane, the poet has little interest in setting up abode anywhere; banishment from that privileged neighbourhood is as good as a sentence of death!
The lovely internal rhythm of the final line deserves special savouring!
Continuing with Faiz... another 'sweet' ghazal, often sung. The radif 'Chale' can, depending on construction, be used in the Indicative mood (as a declaratory statement), as well as in the subjunctive (expressing a wish) mood, leading to a delicious ambiguity in some of the shers.
gulo.n mei.n rang bhare, baad-e-naubahaar chale
chale bhii aao ki gulshan kaa karobaar chale
गुलों मे रंग भरे, बाद-ए-नौबहार चले
चले भी आओ कि गुलशन का कारोबार चले
"let the blooms fill with colour, let the first zephyr of spring flow
do come over, so the garden can get on with its daily business"
A plea directed at the Beloved, obviously.
A straightforward sher, the beauty of it lies in the way the first line, atfirst, sounds like the expression of a simple wish - may colour fill the flowers, etc. - the 'normal' sort of wish you would expect a poet to make. It is only when the second line hits you (and in the typical oral tradition of urdu poetry, this would happen after numerous repetitions of the first line, while the suspense builds up) that you realise that what the first line seemed to be wishing for is, in fact, nothing more than the 'day-to-day business' (कारोबार) of a garden, and what the poet actually desires is for is for the Beloved to come overto the garden, so that its 'normal activities' can 'proceed normally'!
It is only then that the actual compliment implied - that in the absence of the Beloved, things are 'held in abeyance' in the garden - becomes clear!
SO much more romantic than simply telling the Beloved that she brings colour and freshness into his life, isn't it?
qafas udaas hai yaaro.n sabaa se kuchh to kaho
kahii.n to bahr-e-khudaa aaj zikr-e-yaar chale
कफ़स उदास है यारों सबा से कुछ तो कहो
कहीं तो बह्र-ए-खुदा आज ज़िक्र-ए-यार चले
"Gloom reigns in the cage, my friends; do say something to the breeze
somewhere, for God's sake, (there must be) discussion about the Beloved today!"
We return to the familiar 'kafas-gulshan' stylisation of a bird caged away from its garden (by implication, the lover separated from his Beloved).
"The cage is sad", he says, implying that the inhabitant of the cage (the poet himself) is dejected... and as a 'remedy' to his sorrow, he urges his friends to make a request the breeze - that it should seek out a location where the Beloved is being discussed. The implication being that his imprisonment would become bearable, if he could even enjoy a breeze that comes from such a place, and hence has picked up strains of this conversation along the way. Definitely hyperbole, but nice!
'bahr' is a Persian preposition, conveying a sense of 'on account of', or 'for the sake of'. Bahr-e-Khudaa would translate almost literally as the exclamatory 'for God's sake!'
kabhii to subh tere kunj-e-lab se ho aaghaaz
kabhii to shab sar-e-kaakul se mushqbaar chale
कभी तो सुब्ह तेरे कुन्ज-ए-लब से हो आगाज़
कभी तो शब् सर-ए-काकुल से मुश्कबार चले
"(at least once) let the dawn commence from the corner of your mouth
(at least once) let the night be rendered fragrant by your curled tresses"
'i wish there was at least some occasion when the morning was "set into motion" or "inaugurated" by the corner of your mouth' is how the first line literally reads.
To be woken up by a morning kiss from the Beloved seems almost too much to ask for, in the general scheme of things in the Ghazal universe! If wishes were horses...!
baDaa hai dard kaa rishtaa, ye dil gariib sahii
tumhaare naam pe aayenge ghamgusaar chale
बड़ा है दर्द का रिश्ता, ये दिल गरीब सही
तुम्हारे नाम पे आएंगे गमगुसार चले
"the ties of pain run deep; poor as this heart is
comfort-givers will come along, thanks to your name"
What a beautiful sher! I've read some truly ridiculous interpretations of this one on the internet, though!
In effect, the sher wears a sadly sarcastic note - the poet informing the Beloved about the deep fraternity that exists among those who have suffered the pain of her unfaithfulness... hence, even though his impecunious heart has little to offer to anyone, the mere spreading of the word that his pain is caused by the Beloved will cause (similarly suffering souls) to rush to his comfort!
There is a slight poetic rearranging of words in the second line which makes this (otherwise simple) meaning a little difficult to catch - the 'aayenge' is actually to be read after the final 'chale' as 'chale aayenge' (or 'will come over').
जो हम पे गुजरी सो गुजरी मगर शब्-ए-हिजरां
हमारे अश्क तेरी आकबत संवार चले
"i may have endured whatever i endured, but (on the) night of separation!
my tears left your future course adorned"
The implication (probably) being that (publicity about) the poet's copious tears during the night of separation would tend to further enhance the fame of the Beloved.
In an alternative reading, the sher is addressed to the 'shab-e-hijraan'itself - and the poet says that his tears would adorn the future of the (henceforth famous) 'night of separation'!
In either interpretation, it is sweet.
हुज़ूर-ए-यार हुई दफ्तर-ए-जूनून की तलब
गिरह मे लेके गरेबां के तार-तार चले
"The Court of the Beloved (conveyed) the desire for (seeing) the 'documentation of infatuation'
(Tied) in a knot (I carried) the tatters of (my) collar"
Lovely!
There is such delicious abjectness here... The Beloved's Courtcommands that the 'case file' proving the (poet's) infatuation be produced before it; the poet carries a small pouch containingthe knotted remains of his collar, which he has (in the time-honoured 'chak-e-garebaan' stylisation of Urdu poetry) torn to bits in amorous frenzy.
'Daftar' is now used colloquially to mean 'office', but originally stood for a 'file' or 'folder' containing official papers, such as a legal brief. In Indian Government offices, there are still some persons nominally employed as 'daftaris' who are supposed to file papers and diarise their movement (although they usually just hang about eating peanuts and chewing paan!). The French word 'bureau' (now meaning office) has a similar etymology, i believe. So does the word 'budget' which originally stood for a bag containing official papers.
maqaam koi Faiz raah mei.n jachaa hi nahii.n
jo kuu-e-yaar se nikle to suu-e-daar chale
मकाम कोई फैज़ राह मे जचा ही नही
जो कू-ए-यार से निकले तो सू-ए-दार चले
"no location/station en route caught the fancy, Faiz
after quitting the Beloved's lane, (I) walked on (directly) towards the gallows"
Another beautiful Maqta by Faiz...
Apart from the Beloved's lane, the poet has little interest in setting up abode anywhere; banishment from that privileged neighbourhood is as good as a sentence of death!
The lovely internal rhythm of the final line deserves special savouring!
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